How Coffee Transforms Me Into a Dog

A girl is asleep next to me on my morning bus. Her music is louder than she thinks it is. I can hear that new pop song playing over the roar of the bus and even over the conversation of the first year students behind me. How she can sleep with that noise blasting into her head is beyond me. I hate her. As the bus twists and turns through the streets loading and unloading people, I want to toss her into the aisle. She’s nodding in and out of consciousness and she nods off and falls towards me. I give her a nudge slightly harder than I should and she wakes and mumbles, “mmsr” and falls back asleep.

Great, well I’m trapped here now. The bus could roll over down a hillside and all she would manage is another “mmsr”.

Or so I think. The stop before mine is hers, and she gets off sluggishly pulling her dead weight towards the bus doors. I shift to the outer seat to dissuade people from sitting next to this grumbling mess of un-caffeinated meat. Me, I mean me.

Off the bus and on the train (the joys of living in the suburbs is my commute is almost longer than the time I spend in class), those annoying first years from the first paragraph manage to grab a seat in the quad of seats I picked. I’m stuck with them now. This commute could only get worse if somehow a mess of little kids showed up. The first years are talking about some internet meme. Well, the male of the two is trying to explain the “suhh dude” meme to a female who is clueless and keeps thinking he’s saying that he’s excited. The male is failing at describing it, and I cringe with an intensity that transcends space and time. My past and future lives cringe in unison with me. You cringe reading this. I need coffee straight to the veins. I would shoot it like heroin, but I’m scared of needles.

Thankfully the train ride is short. I escape my auditory assailants, however as they drift out of earshot I feel my blood pressure slowly decrease. I didn’t realize but I’ve been holding the minor annoyances of the morning in my shoulders. I give them a roll. We’re at university now, and baby I can smell my sweet black goodness. I smile as I approach the main building, but to my surprise, there are little kids everywhere. I sigh and try to navigate my way through all the sticky hands and wet noses. They separate to make a path as they see the long line of students coming off the train. I feel like Moses.

I’m in line. I place my order. I take my first sip. I am as excited as this dog. I am that dog. I am love.