Why LinkedIn?

Part of the Substandard series. Article written while listening to Kool A.D.’s Official album, which is p great, you should check it out. The kid channels hecka Snoop Dogg style vibes on this tape and it may be the best thing he’s done so far since the prolific O.K. tape but we’ll cover that later maybe.

Every great expedition begins with a question. What’s Antarctica like this time of year? What the moon be like/What does the studio think the moon be like, depending on your beliefs in the moon landing/how much you like making people think. Other great questions involve “What’s it mean to be human?” or in the words of Lil John, “WHAT?” He has hearing problems though so that one may not count.

The question I present at the beginning, if you missed it (and you shouldn’t though because it’s the title), is “Why LinkedIn?” The question is hella good. Take a quick look at your old un-updated-first-draft LinkedIn page first tho because you might find mad articles out here in these metaphorical streets talking about how to hack those job interviews and how to be more creative but a lot of those articles forget that you can’t exactly hack people. We kick it in a soup of space and time and people are the least hackable things. Everybody is different and that’s why I pick hella bones with the startup/self-help community on Medium too. You can throw a billion different ways to build a habit and literally the only way to do it is just to Nike that bitch up and do it.

So let’s dive into this big question of “Why”. Forget the LinkedIn part of the question for a minute. Focus on those first three letters of this bad boy. Why. It’s a social network for jobs. It’s also got this dope resource called Lynda but I have no problems with her because most times you can get her for free with a library card (seriously, check that out, you can learn a lot, the world is your oyster, baby). But the LinkedIn part. I think I update mine three months after something happens in my career. Example: I got a job back in May and only told LinkedIn about it last week. It was met with a few congratulations but I had told all those people about the job when I got it so it’s really a false pat on the back.

Back to the why. Why are we wasting time on that shithole of a site? Who’s out there trolling the job market on a social networking site that was almost bought by Facebook?. Nobody. I feel like LinkedIn is a scam so recruiters can justify their position. But that’s just like working at a music label trying to scope new artists on MySpace in 2016. Waste of time if you ask me.

The next thing LinkedIn has is these articles that, like I said before, are just a copypasta of the startup/self-help bros out here on Medium. Job interview tips that are anything besides “be confident, be yourself, and respect the situation” aren’t worth reading. Asking questions is part of the be yourself because if you have questions, do you and ask ’em. Researching the company is bundled under the situation respecting you have to do, along with probably dress appropriately and not calling the interviewer a money-hungry dick.

If you’ve been on LinkedIn lately, which you probably haven’t, but I’ll let you know what else they have. They’ve got these businesses out here talking about their market growth and that interests nobody except the money-hungry. Why do we need so much money anyway? Once this basic income package comes through (which it might in Canada if you’re curious) then I’m gonna be stepping down my productivity to focus on these books because nobody wants to work for the man all their life, right? Ain’t nobody you know want to wake up at 6 am and drive to a little cube with artificial lights, recycled air, and deal with shit like reports and business objectives. I mean, different attitude if it’s your business but for everyone outside San Francisco and a small pocket in Des Moines, I know you resonate with that.

I mean, I live in Ontario in Canada and July and August are the only two really great months we have out here for sitting outside with a Cuba Libre (rum n coke for those not in the know) and enjoying the breeze. That’s what I’m doing right now. I’m lampin’ in my backyard with a big ol’ CL in a deck chair writing this bad boy listening only to the finest of rap tapes. It’s not my first big ol’ CL either. At least at the writing of this sentence.

I mean realistically we don’t need to work for our lives, we’re animals just like the dogs and cats we keep imprisoned in our houses (I love ’em but you know it’s true, so give your pets extra love today). All animals need to survive is food, water, some shelter, and some animals of the same species, colloquially known as homies/friends/pals/etc so we don’t get lonely and so we can sometimes procreate with, right? We all so into this illusion of society that we don’t even realize why we get so sad all the times (go out into a pack of trees and go for a hike soon, tell me you don’t feel great to be out in your actual element). We certainly don’t need that steaming heap called LinkedIn. Use Indeed or something if you want a job.

Substandard is probably a uni-or-bi-weekly article written by Mike’s inner voice. This is the voice he thinks in, and talks in sometimes, depending on how close you get to your dude Holuj over here. Enjoy!